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Though anger is a normal emotion but still it is very important that we know how to manage and deal this feeling. Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.
1.When you are angry say nothing.
A very easy step isn’t it? If we keep on talking while in anger definitely it will worsen the situation and would eventually hurt the feelings of others. If we can remain silent for a while it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us. A good technique would be, “When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.”
2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.
There are really some people who take pleasure in trying to make you angry. However, if we can be unresponsive to them and their words and even feel it is beyond our dignity to recognize them, then their actions and words will have no effect. And if you do not respond to their annoyance, they will lose interest and will not bother you in the future.
3.Use reason to stop anger.
When you feel angry, try to talk to yourself, thus this anger help me in any way or it will make the situation worse. Even if there is still anger in your inner self but it will help you to distance yourself from the feeling of anger.
4.Look kindly upon Others.
Other side of dealing anger is by visualizing the other person us a helpless 5 year old child wherein compassion and forgiveness elevate the situation. This is applicable to family members who at times evoke your anger that instead of retaliating the situation, you just condition yourself that he is just too young to know any better like a five year old child.
5.Value Peace more than anger.
Peace of mind is the most important treasure that we should keep to ourselves. If we value it we prevent anger to remain in our system. I quote from the saying of Sri Chinmoy that says “You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind.”
6.Always try to understand those who are cross.
If you don’t mind their accusations and criticisms against you, they will begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Stay calm and eventually they will subconsciously to do the same.
Breathing deeply will help greatly to remove anger.
If we can practice meditation regularly we can bring inner peace to the front. Since inner peace will help us draw upon during testing times.
Smile can defuse many negative and tense situations. It offers goodwill to others. It costs nothing to smile, so smile away your anger.
When we try to surpass anger, it doesn’t mean we agree to injustice and unfairness. However, whatever our intentions are, it is always best to act with dignity and a clear mind because acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve. So stay calm and relax.
Most of us feel angry a few times a week and as many as feel angry daily, according to the Anger Research Consortium. That is whether reacting to unfairness, defending for ourselves, seeking solution for which we are frustrated with; anger changes the image of our being. Anger’s power over us makes it difficult to control. That is why when anger gets over us and we feel out of control and we seem scary to others, it’s natural to suffer the consequences, which includes serious impacts on relationships, health, work performance and most of all the quality of life.
When does anger cross the line from being a useful system fro protecting ourselves to becoming harmful? That is when it affects our ability to function well in our daily life and even hurts our health, relationships and job.
Below are some of the examples when Anger becomes harmful:
You get angrier than the situation calls for
You can’t cool off quickly, making it hard to move on
You feel angry all the time or many times a day
You’re not always sure why you’re angry, or with whom
You have a ‘hair trigger’ response and find yourself angry with those closest to you for very little reason
You turn to physical or verbal aggression
You lose jobs, friends, or intimate relationships because of your anger
You turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with feeling angry
It is important to retain and learn to express and manage your anger safely. Otherwise may harm someone else or yourself.
It is natural for every person to feel angry when somebody hurts, insults and show injustice to them. It happens very rare that an aggressive response can be a lifesaver. But in every day interactions, our survival can mean that we should behave strongly than a situation might warrant. It means that we should control our emotions in the midst of the moment or else we might regret later on the result of our actions.
1. Cultural influence. Society and culture play a vital role in the difficulty of managing this complex emotion. For Americans, they regard anger as “bad” emotion, making it less acceptable to express than say sadness or anxiety. As a result we don’t learn how to handle our anger constructively.
2. Tolerance levels. Some people have a low tolerance for frustration. They always feel that they don’t deserve for the barrier, inconvenience and annoyance they are facing especially when they think it is unfair to their part.
3. Family background . Family background plays a very important role on how you express anger. If a person comes from a family that doesn’t communicate well, lacks structure and routine, it has the possibility of not having the opportunity to learn how to express anger assertively and constructively.
There are three basic approaches to responding to anger: expression, suppression, and management.
1. Expression. Every one of us express anger in different ways, it ranges from having a calm, reasonable discussion about the feelings until it reaches to blowing up of emotions. Expressing anger includes yelling, punching a wall, breaking or throwing something or it can be express by talking through your feelings, negotiating an apology and change in the relationship, taking action to change the situation or solve a problem.
2. Suppression. It involves holding the anger in, letting it go and changing your focus to something else. It can also be a positive choice to let something go and forgetting, take a time-out or simply avoid and ignore the irritation.
3. Management. Managing anger well is about accepting anger as a normal emotion, paying attention to it and making some choices that allows the person to improve the situations. The best tactics for anger management are:
Delay, such as counting to 10 to allow the arousal from anger to dissipate (Thomas Jefferson said if you are really angry, count to 100!)
Relaxation, such as taking deep breaths or listening to calming music
Distraction, such as working on a crossword puzzle or taking a walk to get your mind off the situation causing the anger
Doing something incompatible with anger and aggression, such as petting a puppy, kissing a lover, watching a comedy, or helping someone in need
Though anger is a universal human emotion, there are many variables involved why we get angry, how we get angry or how long will our angry last after experiencing a threatening, hurtful and unexpected situation.
1. Families and culture. We usuallylearn how to express anger from our families and culture on what is appropriate and what is not. It can be that some families and culture are more expressive about anger; others tend to suppress anger in a calm way.
2. Gender. All people, men and women experience anger but they express and manage it differently. Just like men tend to be more aggressive and impulsive in responding to anger, while women tend to talk more about their feelings of anger and stay angry longer. Women are more likely to suppress anger. That is why almost all crimes and violence are involving by men because they cannot control their emotions and tend to express it aggressively.
3. Response to situations. Anger depends in a situation that happened. Ifsomebody hurts you, you won’t necessarily get angry in response, instead you will know his intention of hurting you and how he respond to your discomfort and so on.
4. Influencing factors
Some of the factors that influence our anger response include:
The severity of the threat or harm
The relationship we have with someone who makes us angry and our interpretation of their intent
Our interpretation of circumstances surrounding the event
Our life experience and outlook on life
The environment in which we were raised
How much stress we’re experiencing
Our overall mental health, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and some personality disorders
Why do humans get angry? How much control do we really have? Anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong. It perceived threat to us, love ones, property, self image or some part of our identity. It is one way of expressing our emotions towards others. Everyone experiences anger, and in one way or another, it can be healthy because it can motivate us to stand up for ourselves and correct injustices when we mange anger well. On the other hand, mismanaged anger can be unhealthy and counterproductive especially when anger is too intense, out of control, misdirected, and overly aggressive. It can lead to poor decision making and problem solving, create problems with relationships at work and can affect your health.
It has three components:
Physical reactions, usually starting with a rush of adrenaline and responses such as an increased heart rate, blood pressure, and tightening muscles; often known as the “fight or flight” response
The cognitive experience of anger, or how we perceive and think about what is making us angry. For example, we might think something that happened to us is wrong, unfair, and undeserved.
Behavior, or the way we express our anger. There is a wide range of behavior that signals anger. We may look and sound angry, turn red, raise our voices, clam up, slam doors, storm away, or otherwise signal to others that we are angry. We may also state that we are angry and why, ask for a time-out, request an apology, or ask for something to change.